Talking to Youth About Suicide

Youth suicide is a critical public health issue that significantly impacts the mental health of children, teens, and families. In 2023, the CDC reports 40% of high school students have experienced persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness and 20% of high schoolers have seriously considered attempting suicide. By recognizing the signs, talking openly about suicide, and connecting young people with resources, adults can play a crucial role in safeguarding the mental health of the next generation.

By fostering open communication and providing resources, we can help protect the mental health and wellbeing of our youth and save lives!

This guide offers actionable steps to help adults:

• Recognize warning signs
• Talk openly about suicide
• Provide support when a young person is struggling with suicidal thoughts

Recognizing Suicidal Thoughts in Youth

Youth experiencing suicidal thoughts often show changes in their behavior and mental health. Understanding these warning signs can help adults intervene before a crisis occurs:

• Expressing feelings of hopelessness or saying things like, “There’s no point in living” or “I’m a burden to others.”
• Withdrawal from friends, family, and activities they once enjoyed. A young person may appear shut down or spend more time “numbing” or “checking out” by watching TV, scrolling social media etc.
• Noticeable changes in their mental health: increased anxiety, depression, or irritability.
• Talking or writing about death, dying, or self-harm.
• Significant changes in sleep patterns, whether sleeping too little or too much.
• Engaging in self-destructive behavior, such as substance abuse or reckless actions.

How to Talk to Youth About Suicide

Talking about suicide is one of the most powerful ways to protect youth mental health. Here’s how adults can approach these sensitive conversations:

1. Choose the right time and place. Find a quiet, private setting where you can speak without interruptions.
2. Express your concerns with care. Use non-judgmental statements like, “I’ve noticed you seem really down lately, and I’m worried about you.”
3. Ask directly about suicide. Don’t be afraid to ask, “Are you thinking about suicide” or “Are you thinking about ending your life?” According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, asking about suicide directly does not increase risk—it reduces the risk by opening up communication.
4. Listen actively and without interruption. Give them space to express their feelings and avoid immediately offering advice or solutions. Focus on listening more than talking. You may have to prepare yourself to feel comfortable sitting in silence. It can be especially hard for adults to not want to say things like “you shouldn’t feel that way” or “you have so much to live for” in efforts to help a young person feel better, but statements like these can actually cause a young person to think their feelings are invalid or that they are to blame for having such thoughts/feelings.
5. Provide reassurance. Let them know you care and that it’s okay to struggle. Share that there are many ways to seek help, and most people need support for mental wellbeing at some point.

How Adults Can Support a Youth Experiencing Suicidal Thoughts

• Remain calm and present. Staying composed helps prevent the situation from escalating and reassures the young person that they are not alone.
• Take every comment about suicide seriously. Do not dismiss their words as a cry for attention; respond with empathy, curiosity, and willingness to take action.
• Seek immediate help from a professional. Connect with a therapist, crisis service provider, or local emergency room. You can always call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 for immediate help in determining what you should do. Consider contacting a youth crisis stabilization program such as Tanager’s Summit House to assist in helping your child/teen feel safe and helping you as a caregiver create safety plans and learn how to support them.
• Maintain ongoing support. Don’t stop the conversation when the crisis is over. Continue with ongoing supportive services like therapy. Regularly encourage open communication by regularly checking in and offering a listening ear.

Supporting Youth When a Friend Is Struggling with Suicidal Thoughts

When a young person learns that a friend is struggling with suicidal thoughts, it can deeply impact their own mental health, and it can create almost the same amount of stress and confusion for caregivers trying to navigate the best way to respond. Here’s how adults can help youth cope with this challenging experience:

• Acknowledge their emotions. Recognize that fear, sadness, and confusion are typical in this situation.
• Reinforce the importance of not keeping secrets. Encourage them to tell a trusted adult if they know a friend is thinking about suicide.
• Teach them to listen supportively. Offer guidance on being a compassionate listener without feeling responsible for solving their friend’s problems.
• Promote self-care. Remind them that their own mental health matters and that it’s okay to set boundaries.

Age-Specific Tips for Talking About Mental Health and Suicide

Different age groups require tailored approaches when discussing mental health and suicide. Here’s how to engage with struggling youth at various developmental stages:

Elementary School-Aged Children (5-10 years)

• Use simple, age-appropriate language. Avoid graphic details; instead, explain that sometimes people have very sad feelings that make them think about ending their life. When these feelings happen, people need help.
• Follow the child’s lead and respond truthfully: You don’t have to provide more information than a child is asking for. Focus on keeping responses short but give them the truth in words they understand.
• Focus on feelings and coping. Ask what feelings they are having and validate what they share. Talk about different ways you help yourself in those situations. Engage in coping activities with the child.
• Reassure them that help is available. Let them know that adults can help them, and that their friends feel safe and supported. Communicate that they would never be in trouble for telling you when someone is feeling really sad.

Middle School Students (11-13 years)

• Encourage open dialogue about mental health. Normalize conversations about feelings and mental health struggles. Be sure to have this conversation regularly, check in weekly perhaps.
• Address misconceptions about suicide. Explain that talking about suicide does not encourage it and that it’s okay to ask for help.
• Promote help-seeking behavior. Reinforce that reaching out to adults or mental health professionals is a sign of strength.

High School Students (14-18 years)

• Engage in honest, straightforward conversations. High school students are likely aware of mental health challenges, so approach the topic openly.
• Discuss available resources. Share information about crisis hotlines, school counselors, and local mental health services.
• Emphasize the importance of mental health care. Encourage practices like therapy, journaling, or connecting with supportive peers.

College Students (18+ years)

• Support their growing independence. Encourage them to take charge of their mental health by seeking resources on campus or locally.
• Discuss mental health warning signs. Ensure they know how to recognize symptoms of depression or suicidal thoughts in themselves and others.
• Promote building a support network. Emphasize the value of friendships, family connections, and professional mental health resources.

Resources and Crisis Contacts

If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts, there are resources available to help:

• National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:
  Call or text 988 to connect with crisis counselors who can guide you through support options. Some areas may offer mobile crisis responses, as well.
• Contact a Licensed Therapist
  Your family doctor or school counselor can assist in connecting you with a therapist experienced in youth care.
• Are you in Eastern Iowa?
  Contact Tanager for services that support youth and families during a crisis:
  • Tanager School-Based Therapy
    Get therapy during the school day with no need to leave school for appointments.
  • Tanager Mental Wellbeing Clinic
    Our clinic offers therapists who specialize in working with youth of all ages and provides medication services if needed.
  • Tanager Summit House
    A youth crisis stabilization residential service where youth can stay up to 5 days while receiving intensive support to manage their emotions.

About Tanager

At Tanager, we focus on supporting youth mental wellbeing and equipping parents, caregivers, and adults who work closely with young people. We offer tools and services to help build the skills needed to foster mental health in youth.

For more information on how Tanager can support youth mental health, explore our services or contact us at (319) 286-4545 or info@tanagerplace.org. Together, we can make a positive impact in the lives of children and teens.